Why ‘Lost Their Battle’ is the Wrong Thing to Say

While these expressions may be well-intentioned, they can have unintended consequences when speaking to someone with a life-limiting illness, disease, or disorder, like cancer. Here’s why:

1. Implies Blame for the Illness: Phrases like “you can fight this because you are strong” may unintentionally suggest that if the person were stronger, they could avoid or overcome their illness. Cancer is complex and often not related to personal strength.
2. Overlooks the Complexity of Cancer: Describing someone as “battling cancer” oversimplifies the complexity of the disease. Cancer is influenced by various factors, including genetics and environmental elements, not solely one’s strength or willpower.
3. Places Pressure on the Individual: Telling someone they can fight or battle this might create a sense of pressure or guilt if their health situation doesn’t improve. It’s essential to recognize that cancer outcomes depend on numerous factors, and not everyone will have the same trajectory.
4. Minimizes Emotional Struggles: Cancer takes a toll not only on the body but also on the emotional and mental well-being of individuals. Encouraging a person to be strong may overlook the emotional challenges they are facing.
5. May Disregard Personal Coping Styles: People cope with illness in different ways. Some may find strength in a positive mindset, while others may need space to process their emotions. Prescribing a particular attitude may not align with the individual’s preferred coping mechanism.

Instead of framing cancer as a battle or emphasizing strength, it’s often more helpful to express empathy, offer support, and be present for the person. Ask how they are feeling, listen actively, and respond based on their needs and preferences. Acknowledge the difficulties they may be facing while offering encouragement without placing undue expectations on their response to the illness.

To imply there is a loser, or a fight to be won or lost, is not an accurate or fair analogy. Cancer is something people live with—deal with, manage, experience—and many times… people die from the disease.

Dying doesn’t make one weak. You don’t die because you “didn’t fight hard enough.”