How to Express Sympathy: What to Say and What Not to Say

When crafting a message of sympathy, it’s important to keep a few things in mind. All of us have different beliefs. When your beliefs differ from the deceased or their family we must be considerate with what we do and say.

The way we grieve is not universal.

While your heart might be in the right place, there are also several things we should never say to someone who has experienced a loss.“Everything happens for a reason,” “God needed them more,” “Heaven needed them more,” “Hang in there,” “Be brave for your kids,” “Be strong,” “[your loved one] is in a better place,” to name a few.

So, how can we adequately and respectfully express our condolences?

Share a memory or an exceptional quality of the deceased.

Offer support. (But only offer support if you intend to actually give support.)

“I’m sorry for your loss” might seem like an overused phrase but I think that’s because it adequately and simply expresses sorrow during a time when we are grasping to say something meaningful. While you shouldn’t feel bad for saying it, there are other things you could substitute.

Here is a list of alternatives.

These are also great options for the message cards on flowers or to write in sympathy cards.

• May you find comfort and healing through the love of those who remember with you.
• I am so incredibly sorry that you have to go through this.
• Please know that we are thinking of you and your family during your time of sadness.
• Our hearts are filled with sorrow and tears, but our memories are filled with smiles of the good times we shared over the years.
• Wishing you comfort and peace as you navigate your loss. I am here when you need me.
• You are in my heart and my thoughts. I am here for you.
• Many friends come into our lives, few leave their footprints upon our hearts.
• Wishing you the strength to get through the days and nights ahead through the wonderful memories you shared.
• I am devastated to hear of your loss. You are in my prayers.
• Loss leaves a heartache no one can heal. Love leaves a memory no one can steal.
• I hope you find comfort and strength from your loved ones.
• I will always make time for you. Call me when you need to talk.
• I can only express my most sincere sympathies for such a terrible loss.
• Your mother/father/sibling/spouse was an amazing person and will be sorely missed.
• I am so heartbroken for you.
• I have so many good memories of __. He/She/They were so wonderful and will be missed dearly.
• What we have once enjoyed, we surely can never lose completely. It is a part of us.
• I love you and I’m here to support you.
• My condolences for the loss of your colleague/friend.
• Sending you loving thoughts.