Coping with Loss Over the Holidays

Don’t be afraid to express your grief.
It will make you feel better to talk about your loved one and your loss. Spend time with people who will listen and who understand how you feel. Sometimes people might feel inhibited to speak of your loved one out of fear that it might sadden you. Start the conversation yourself and that will open the door for others to share. Talk about your loved one. Include them in conversation, share memories and stories, look at old photos, laugh, cry—be yourself and live your emotions. Never ignore your grief. It will make you sick.

Honoring their memory.
There are a lot of ways to honor a deceased loved one at holiday time. Keep an empty chair at the table, make their favorite dish, create a new ornament every year to hang on the tree, light a special candle, decorate their gravesite, have everyone bring their favorite photo of the deceased and place it into a small album, buy and donate a gift to a charity. Maybe you could turn one of your loved ones’ personal items into a gift. A pillow made out of a t-shirt, a quilt made out of many shirts, or an ornament made from something personal are just a few ideas. There are many meaningful ways to acknowledge your loved one.

It’s okay if you fall apart and it’s okay if you have fun.
You’re allowed to feel however you feel. You are allowed to be happy or sad, angry or positive during the holidays. In fact, you might feel all of those things on the same day at some point. Give yourself permission to feel all the things you are feeling. If you fall apart? So what. That’s normal. Dust yourself off when you are ready and don’t be embarrassed. This is real life.

Set Realistic Expectations
Practice good self-care for your physical and emotional well-being. Listen to your body and how it is speaking to you. Slow down if you are getting messages from your mind or body to slow down.

Grief can leave you feeling drained. You may not feel up to doing things that you planned. Your expectations might have been higher than you feel you can now handle. That is not only okay, but it is also normal.

If you feel like passing on plans in favor of some alone time that is fine too. You have to go with the flow of what you feel is comfortable for you.

Well-meaning family and friends sometimes, using their best intentions, want to surround you with love and keep your mind occupied. Just focus on what you want to do and what makes you happy.

Get an idea of what’s going on—ahead of time.
Holidays can be a big trigger for stress and heartache. It’s okay to ask the host ahead of time about the party or event to prepare yourself.

If you think old family traditions might be too difficult, maybe you could start a new tradition. If you know how the holiday will be celebrated, it might ease your worries or anxiety and help you to prepare ahead of time. Don’t over-extend yourself, but also don’t isolate yourself.

Be around people who love and support you.
Naturally, there are going to be people in your life who understand what you are feeling. Gravitate toward them as they will encourage you to be kind to yourself and be accepting of all you are feeling. They know how difficult the holidays can be and will allow you to be open about what you are experiencing.

REACH OUT
Above all else, if you are feeling lonely or sad, please reach out to someone. Don’t wait, just make that call or send that text. You never have to be alone.

*and to people reading this in support of someone? Please never hesitate to check in on your loved one who is grieving.