4 Things Everyone Should Learn About Dying

It is sad to know people are diagnosed with a terminal illness every day, and most don’t understand what will happen to their mind and body as they die. Just as bad is that most of their loved ones or caregivers also have no idea what to expect. We need to do better in getting information into the hands and hearts of people. Many professions work with dying people. If we all work together, we can change this narrative.

When patients are nearing the end of life, their physician (oncologist, etc.) should provide appropriate information about what happens when they are dying. Unfortunately, this information is not automatically given. Instead, when a cure is no longer possible, the patient is handed over to hospice. The problem with this is that things can roll pretty fast at this point. It is best that patients are educated in what exactly could happen to them during the dying process while they are able to comprehend, and plan for that.

The staff at elder care and nursing facilities must be trained and knowledgeable in death and dying. When educating struggling family members, they need to understand the importance of compassion. All staff working with critical care patients should be well-versed in what happens to a body as it is dying.

Social workers regularly speak with hospice patients and their caregivers. These end-of-life materials are indispensable tools. Booklets can be left with their client to be absorbed privately, allowing for a better-informed follow-up.
The funeral industry can also play a part in educating the general public about dying. Why not include information about dying in the pre-planning packets for their clients?

Dying isn’t like it is in the movies. The character is alert and functioning in everyday life— laughing, talking and eating. In the next scene, he is lying in bed. Final goodbyes are exchanged with loved ones. Soft music plays; he sighs, and his head softly tilts; he is dead. Viewers haven’t seen anything but fictional fluff.

They haven’t seen the weeks or months of pain. Death on the screen doesn’t show anything that real life presents. And unless you’re in an accident and die quickly, chances are you will have a slow decline. But for those dying and their loved ones, the last week or two before death are devastating and especially difficult. Many deathbed patients require strong medications to remain comfortable or calm; dying is difficult!

Dying CAN be comfortable, which is where hospice comes in. Their mission is compassion, comfort, and dignity. This is also where a doula comes in. A doula is a non-medical professional who works in conjunction with hospice. A doula emotionally, physically, and spiritually supports the patient and their family.

The worst feeling as you watch someone you love die is to be unaware, uninformed, and uneducated about what happens when we die. As a doula and end-of-life educator, my responsibility is to provide resources to help you understand the realness of dying. My end-of-life guidance series provides the information you need in easy-to-understand booklets.

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All titles are also available on Amazon

Active Dying (What It’s Like to Die and How to Provide Care and Comfort to the Dying) is a guidebook for friends, family, caregivers, and volunteers who graciously tend to the dying. It contains tips and tools for comfort care. There is an emphasis on dignity, honor, compassion, sacredness, and education. Learn how to support the patient in their darkest time.

Saying Goodbye (End-of-Life Boundaries and Best Practices) lays out the importance of boundaries for those visiting at the end of life.

Understanding Grief (Navigating Loss in a Gentle, Healthy Way) The way we go through our grief establishes how we can go forward. Learn how to support yourself during your darkest time.

Death Over Dinner (The Importance of Having Conversations About Death and How to Start One) is an informative read for anyone who is dying or thinks they will die one day. Death Over Dinner contains tips and tools for having tough conversations and planning for one of the most critical events in your life—Death.